


Over and Over

by NitroJen



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Nightwing (Comics), Under the Red Hood
Genre: And we all know how bad batboys are with feelings, Exploration of Jason's PTSD, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, it starts as casual sex but feelings get in the way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-08-15 15:42:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8062156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NitroJen/pseuds/NitroJen
Summary: Jason and Dick used to just sleep together and that would be all. Jason would go home and tell himself it wouldn't happen again, but sleeping with Dick Grayson has become a habit for Jason, and it's a damned hard habit for both of them to break. Especially when feelings get involved.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Over and Over by Three Day's Grace

“We need to stop doing this,” Dick says as he grabs his costume from where it’s haphazardly crumpled on the floor. 

Jason watches Dick pull the material of his suit over the bite mark Jason left on his shoulder. He thinks to himself that neither of them can really stop this. It’s become a habit that neither of them are willing to break. They keep saying they’ll stop but then they run into each other alone on patrol and next thing they know they’re fucking. 

He exhales slowly, smoke clouding the air in front of him. Dick looks good through the veil of smoke. It makes the whole situation feel like a hazy dream. 

“Really Jay?” Dick asks as he looks at the cigarette. 

“Habit,” Jason says with a shrug as he inhales again. Then again, Jason is switching one habit for another.

“Your mouth tastes like an ashtray when you smoke,” Dick says as he zips up his costume, contorting in a way that shouldn’t be possible in order to get the zipper up. 

“How’s the Thompson case going?” Jason asks in order to change the subject. He doesn’t want to think about how he’s actually cut down on smoking since he and Dick started doing this. Jason doesn’t want to give Dick that kind of victory. Anyways, the cigarette after sex is to avoid Dick kissing him goodbye. Jason presses the butt of his cigarette into the ashtray on the nightstand. 

“Why? Are you thinking of taking it on?” Dick asks as he searches for his boots. He picks one up, realizes it’s Jason’s, and then tosses it aside. “Because if you are, there better not be a trail of bodies. This is something I’m working on with the BPD, if they suspect anything is up-”

“You’ll what?” Jason challenges. “Put me in jail? You and I both know the evidence against him is irrefutable.” 

“It was,” Dick says as he runs his gloved hands through his hair in an attempt to straighten it, but it only sticks up more. Even with his hair sticking up in all sorts of odd angles, Dick looks sexy as hell. Jason has to exhale slowly so he doesn’t get excited again. “But any evidence that we had mysteriously vanished.”

“So, why doesn’t Nightwing take care of it because he’s already solved the case?” The sheets are pooled at Jason’s hips and he can see Dick’s eyes linger there for a long moment before he looks across the room. 

“Because I’m trying to clean up the police from the inside Jason, you know that.” Dick picks up his domino mask and comm from the nightstand. “I have to go,” he says as he puts the mask back on. Jason’s not happy to see Dick’s blue eyes replaced by the blank white of the mask. 

“I’ll see you around,” Jason says with a smirk. 

“You better not,” Dick replies as he opens the window and slips out onto the fire escape, languid as water and silent as death as he slips into the night. 

“We both know I will.” Jason says. 

-

Three days later, Jason returns to Blüdhaven under the guise of checking Dick’s progress on the Thompson case. 

He grapples from rooftop to rooftop, telling himself he’s not actively looking for Dick, but frequenting the stops over crime alley that he knows Dick likes to patrol. Jason stops a few crimes in progress on the way, but taking down a couple of thugs is something that feels like a warm-up to him. Small robberies and alley crimes were literally child’s play for Jason, there’s something nostalgic about taking down a criminal in an alley for a former Robin. 

After breaking up a fight between a few guys outside a bar, Jason takes a breather on top of one of the taller buildings in the city. He gets the barest hint of a cigarette craving as he watches the city below him. It’s not a nicotine craving, Jason doesn’t get those anymore after his dip in the Pit, but it’s the need for the steady deep breaths smoking gives him. Dick can criticize him all he likes, but there’s nothing more soothing than a cigarette on top of a tall building.

“I thought I told you to stay out of it,” Dick says from behind him. No one can ever hear Dick coming, hell, even Bruce is surprised when Dick appears behind him sometimes. Jason doesn’t startle though, he just smirks behind his helmet. 

“I am staying out of it,” Jason says. “My hands are clean tonight.”

“What are you doing here, Hood?” Dick asks, Jason doesn’t need to look at him to know he’s exhausted. Leave it to Dick to work himself until he’s so tired he can barely stand. It’s a habit Dick picked up from Bruce. Jason has a tendency to fall into it, but Roy has a good tendency to knock Jason out if he’s been working too hard. Literally. Asshole. 

“I thought I’d pay you a little visit to see if you’d made any progress,” Jason says as he stands up and turns to face Dick. He stops short for a second, Dick has a bruise on his jaw and a cut on his cheek. Dick is usually smart enough to block punches to his face. “Clearly, you haven’t,” Jason says. “And you’re getting sloppy. When was the last time you took a break?”

“I slept two hours last night,” Dick says. 

“You need to rest,” Jason says. “Get some sleep so you can actually block punches to the face.”

“Are you just going to criticize me?” Dick asks. “Because if you are, save it and go home. I can take care of things here on my own.”

“Can you?” Jason asks as he steps forwards. 

“I’m not here to fight you,” Dick says. “Just go home.” 

Jason hums, acting like he’s taking a moment of deliberation, “I think I’ll stay in the ‘haven tonight.”

“No,” Dick says. “I’ve got everything under control.”

“The Nightwing I know doesn’t just get punched in the face,” Jason says as he steps forward again. He takes his helmet off and cups Dick’s cheek in his hand. “I’ve already taken care of some stuff tonight, people know Nightwing and Red Hood are kicking ass in Blüdhaven. So tonight, let’s go back to your place, patch you up, and get some fucking rest, because you look like you’re dead on your feet Pretty Bird.” 

Dick looks at him for a long moment and Jason wishes he could peel off Dick’s mask. He doesn’t push Jason’s hand away, instead he sighs and his shoulders slump a bit. “Fine,” he says. 

“Good,” Jason says as he steps back and puts his helmet back on. “Lead the way.”

Dick stretches a bit and Jason wishes for a brief second that Dick wasn’t so worn out so he could peel off Dick’s costume and see the way his muscles flex when they’re not wrapped in spandex. Dick fires his grapple moments later, Jason close behind him the whole way. 

When they get to Dick’s apartment, Jason realizes this is the first chance he’s had to actually get a look at it. Normally they make a beeline for the bedroom. He takes in the way Dick’s living room is set up, a basic living room set, bookshelves, a Haly’s circus poster, and a few pictures of him with his adopted family. It’s startling how normal it is, but how fitting it is for Dick. 

Dick closes the blinds before tossing his domino on the coffee table and running his hand through his hair. He collapses on the couch and Jason wants to laugh at how ridiculous it looks. “Go change,” Jason says. “I’ll get you something to eat and then we can patch you up.” 

Dick groans and Jason pulls him up from the couch. “Come on, Pretty Bird,” Jason says. He takes his own helmet and mask off and tosses them aside. Dick leans heavily on him and Jason lets him. “What’s been going on that’s made you so tired?”

“The evidence of the Thompson case went missing,” Dick says as they go to his bedroom. He straightens up and Jason unzips Dick’s costume for him. “And then the case file went missing. I was lucky I had backup copies otherwise we would have been screwed. But the chief is refusing to fire the guy that lost the case file because he’s been around for so long. He thinks it was an honest mistake.”

“The only honest thing in that police force is you,” Jason says, frowning when Dick turns around and he sees the amount of bruises on his back. Either the baddies in Blüdhaven are getting stronger, or Dick really needs sleep. 

Dick pulls on a worn out gotham academy t-shirt and a pair of sweats. They sit low on his hips and Jason wonders what he’s doing here. After he came back to Gotham, the only person he’s really been close with is Roy. He and Dick have just been fuck buddies, but here he is in Dick’s apartment, still clothed and painfully domestic. They weren’t even that close before Jason died, but now apparently they’re close enough that Jason is here taking care of Dick. He doesn’t try to think about how pathetic that makes him. Jason has always been caught up on Dick Grayson, he should have known he couldn’t keep their relationship simple. 

Jason has Dick settle down on the couch in front of the TV and he frowns as he looks at the mess in Dick’s sink. How the fuck is Dick still alive? He pokes around the dishes and not only does he smell spoiled milk in the bottoms of several old cereal bowls, but he’s pretty sure he sees mold too. Jason manages to break away from it knowing he’s probably going to clean the sink when Dick’s asleep. 

When Jason opens the door to Dick’s fridge, he’s hit with the painful memories of growing up with an empty fridge. It makes his stomach clench and it takes him a long moment to remember that his fridge is full of food. He makes Dick a bowl of sugary cereal and brings it to him. Dick mutters a thanks and starts shoveling it into his mouth as Jason grabs a first aid kit. 

He takes off his jacket, boots, and weapons and sits down next to Dick, popping the top of the first aid kit open. “So who got the best of you during patrol?” He asks as he pulls out cotton balls and rubbing alcohol. 

Dick finishes his cereal and puts the bowl on the coffee table. “A drug bust,” Dick says. Jason wipes at one of the cuts, Dick flinches a bit but keeps talking. “There were more men there than I thought and I didn’t realize I’d bitten off more than I could chew until it was too late. I got them all but I got the crap beat out of me in the process.” 

“You would have gotten them all if you’d gotten rest or asked for help,” Jason says.

“Look who’s talking,” Dick says and Jason dabs at the cut again, earning Jason a shove. Jason puts a few small butterfly closures over the wound. He settles for a quick kiss over the bruise before he can really stop himself. “Jason,” Dick whispers but Jason pulls back and squeezes some arnica gel on his fingers and brushes them over the bruise instead. What is he doing kissing Dick Grayson so...intimately? 

“Do you want some pain-killers?” Jason asks as he cleans up the supplies and closes the first aid kit.

“No,” Dick says. “It’s not that bad.” 

“Alright,” Jason says. They shift for a few moments before Dick reaches over and turns the TV on. 

“I fall asleep better with it on,” Dick says when he notices Jason’s pointed look. Dick leans against him and Jason hesitates for a few moments before he slings a hand over Dick’s shoulder. One night of this can’t hurt. Dick needs sleep and if he needs TV and Jason’s warmth to help him sleep, fine, Jason will cuddle Dick until he passes out. He reaches up and absently runs his fingers through Dick’s hair as the documentary on TV goes into wolf populations in Yellowstone park. Dick falls asleep and Jason watches him until he falls asleep, lulled into it by the dull narration. 

Jason wakes up hours later on the couch with Dick drooling on his chest and wrapped around him like some kind of fucked up acrobatic octopus. Even in his sleep Dick is insanely flexible. Jason manages to loosen Dick’s grip a bit and carries him to bed. If Dick hadn’t been so exhausted, Jason would be worried about the fact that Dick sleeps through everything. 

He makes his way to Dick’s kitchen and works on Dick’s dishes. The entire time, he’s trying to convince himself that this is just a one time thing. They’re not going to do it again. 

Even as he grapples away and back towards Gotham, Jason knows he’s wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can be slow at updates but I can be found at [carbonjen.tumblr.com](http://carbonjen.tumblr.com/) feel free to prod me for updates/send me prompts there.


	2. Chapter 2

Jason returns to the warehouse to see Roy passed out on the couch in full Arsenal regalia, instead of waking him up and dealing with any questions Roy might have- because Roy always seems to know when Jason has been up to anything- he tosses a blanket over the redhead and lets him sleep.

Jason goes to his room and strips off his costume. Normally after a night with Dick, he’d shower, but tonight he didn’t even break a sweat. It takes a few minutes to take off his costume and all the weapons stowed away in it. When Jason finishes he goes into the bathroom and stares at himself in the mirror. His unfamiliar eyes. Five years after the pit and he still can’t get used to the way the lazarus green invaded his irises, turning them a strange shade of teal. He can’t even get used to the autopsy scars on his chest. It took over a year before Jason could look at himself without having a panic attack and another year after that to stop shooting his reflection. 

He rubs the side of his face and wonders why the hell Dick Grayson sleeps with him. Maybe it’s out of pity, or maybe it’s just because Jason is a good fuck. One of them always leaves before they can process the details and consequences of what they’re doing. Tonight though, Jason pushed a boundary he’d set for himself: Don’t get attached to Dick Grayson again. He’d been so hung up on the older Robin when he was a kid that receiving any sort of positive attention from Dick would leave him over the moon for days. Despite everything, it didn’t look like that had changed much. One tender utterance of _Little Wing_ or _Jaybird_ and Jason is putty in Dick’s hands.

Jason pushes away from the mirror and washes his face before going to bed.

 

-

 

Jason wakes up in a panic, arms whipping through the air around him but not meeting any resistance. He sits up and gasps for air. Seconds ago it felt like his mouth was full of dirt and he could have sworn he’d felt soil under his fingernails. It takes Jason a few minutes to remind himself that he’s no longer dreaming. He’s alive. He’s not under the dirt anymore. That was years ago. Everything is okay now.

Roy comes in moments later and notices Jason’s panic. “Jay,” he says as he sits down near Jason, knowing not to touch him just yet. Jason hates how far away from his body he feels right now, it’s like his mind is back in the pit, bringing back memories of the Joker and his own grave. “Jason!” Roy shouts as he comes behind Jason and wraps his arms tightly around the other male. It’s a comforting act for Jason, but a defense mechanism for Roy. “You’re safe Jason. I’m here, we’re in the warehouse. You’re here. Breathe with me. In. Hold. Out.”

Jason matches Roy’s breathing and comes down gradually from his panic attack. He can feel the cold sweat on his skin and Roy’s arms loosen around him, but Roy doesn’t move.

“Fuck,” Jason whispers. “I...fuck. I was doing so well.” Rage from the Lazarus pit is fresh in his blood and it threatens to boil over but Roy squeezes him before Jason can start hating himself too much. No use digging himself into a hole right after he’s filled it.

“You say that as if you can control it,” Roy says. Jason leans into him and Roy lets him. It’s something they’re used to doing after Jason’s panic attacks. Jason does the same for Roy when he gets cravings.

“I thought I could,” Jason whispers as he flops down on the bed.

Roy spits out a laugh and flops down next to Jason. “You and I both know you can never control this shit.” Jason looks over at Roy, who’s looking up at the ceiling like it’s the one who controls their moments of weakness. He and Roy have the common ground of shitty coping mechanisms and helping the other if they ever revert back to old habits. As much as Jason used to hate Roy, they balance each other out without managing to drag one another into a downward spiral. It’s a fucked up system, but it works for both of them.

“Do you ever miss it?” Jason asks as he looks up at the ceiling. Jason knows he misses his shitty coping mechanisms. Jason had taken comfort in shots. Bullets and alcohol. As much as he’d enjoyed both of them, they hadn’t done him any good. It’s moments like this, though, where Jason wishes he could satisfy the urges deep inside him and put a bullet through someone’s brain.

Roy sighs and lapses into a silence that lasts so long Jason doesn’t expect a response. They don’t talk much about their pasts if they can avoid it. “Every goddamn day,” Roy says. “It was the best feeling in the world, and nothing has come close to that. Nothing ever will.”

They’re both quiet after that, their breaths mingling with the creaks of the warehouse. Neither of them can fall asleep, but they both manage to reach a quiet moment of zen between them when Roy breaks it.

“What triggered it?” Roy asks. 

“Dick Grayson,” Jason says.

“Dick Grayson?” Roy turns and faces him, brow furrowed. “You and Dick have been sleeping together for months though.”

“Having sex with Dick didn’t trigger it,” Jason says. “We didn’t even fuck last night. He was tired and I took him home and made him go to sleep.”

“And?” Roy asks.

“I fucking...I did his dishes and patched him up and we cuddled, we fucking cuddled, Roy!”

“So doing Dick’s dishes and cuddling him triggered this?” Roy asks.

“No,” Jason says. “My realizing I’m falling for Dick Grayson and knowing I’m wasting my time triggered this. Knowing he can’t fall for me because of what I’ve been through and because of what I am to him triggered this.”

“Jason,” Roy says with a frown as he pulls Jason close. “I think if Dick Grayson thought he was wasting his time with you, he wouldn’t have slept with you. Dick doesn’t just sleep with people, he sleeps with people he cares about. When he looks at you, he doesn’t see the Jason you see in the mirror, he sees the Jason that grew up into something amazing and wild. I think you’re freaking out because this is the first time you’ve had feelings for someone and you don’t know how to deal with it,” Roy says. “And it doesn’t help that the person you have feelings for is your former brother who knows more about you than you want him to.”

Jason hates how Roy is right. He hates that there are things he can’t hide from Dick. There are sides of him that Jason isn’t proud of and Dick has seen them all. Dick is the first person Jason has allowed himself to really have feelings for after his death. It makes sense that these new emotions are causing his brain to go haywire. Jason didn’t have time for it after he was resurrected, he was on a straight path of revenge and anger, now that it’s all simmered away, he’s left dealing with everything else.

“I think you’ve got a lot to work out,” Roy says. “But I’m rooting for you.” He sits up and stretches his arms. “I think you and Dick can happen, and if he breaks your heart, I’ll kick his ass.”

“Thanks,” Jason says as he rolls his eyes and sits up. He gives Roy a quick bump with his shoulder, Jason’s way of saying that he’s genuinely thankful.

“Now get up and make some breakfast,” Roy says. “I’m craving waffles and you’re the only one in this warehouse who can make them without burning them.”

 

-

 

For Jason, getting his feelings under control always works better in theory than it does in practice.

Jason is watching the city below him when he feels a presence behind him. It’s to quiet to be Tim or Damian, and Bruce doesn’t really pay him visits if he’s getting into trouble. He peeks over his shoulder and of course it’s Dick Grayson. 

“What brings you to Gotham?” Jason asks.

“Rough day at work,” Dick says. “Three people were fired so they sent someone after the chief.” 

“That sucks,” Jason looks down at the glimmering lights below them. Why is it so hard to talk to Dick all of a sudden? 

“It did, but at least I didn’t have to do dishes,” Dick says as he crouches next to Jason. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Your sink was home to a civilization of mold,” Jason replies. “Of course I was going to do the fucking dishes. Honestly Dick, Alfred would be ashamed.”

Dick laughs and shakes his head, Jason hates the warm feeling that spreads through his abdomen when he hears it. “He’d probably freak if he ever came to my apartment,” Dick finally says. “Really though, I wanted to thank you for patching me up and doing the dishes. Crime is light tonight and there’s a safehouse calling our names.”

Jason looks at Dick and the faint smile on his face and he can’t say no, he just can’t. “Follow me, Dickie Bird,” Jason says as he grapples away towards the safehouse. As he swings from building to building, he reminds himself that this means nothing, Dick is thanking him for a favor. 

They arrive at the safehouse and Dick wraps his arms around Jason as he goes to disarm the alarms. He starts to type the code in but curses when Dick starts kissing his neck, fingers stuttering over the keypad. Jason forces himself to focus on the code and manages to get it on his second try. He flips them around and presses Dick to the wall.

“You’re so impatient tonight,” Jason says as he takes his helmet off and starts nipping along Dick’s jawline. Dick’s hands are pulling at his leather jacket and Jason pushes it onto the ground. He presses their mouths together and it’s rough at first, each of them fighting their dominance until they settle into something they both enjoy. Jason presses his hand against Dick’s groin, feeling the hard material of the cup there. Enough people have taken crotch shots at them for them to wear cups on patrol. 

Dick seems to get the message and he starts peeling his costume off, “Bedroom?” He asks and Jason nods as he grabs Dick’s arm and leads the way, loosening the his belt and thigh holsters as they go. When Jason has taken off his shirt and Dick is halfway out of his costume, they have another heated makeout, Jason veering down to Dick’s chest. The sound of Dick’s moans travels straight down to Jason’s crotch as he leaves a few hickies on Dick’s chest. Dick’s skin is salty with sweat, but it’s something Jason is used to. 

Dick pulls Jason back up and they lean against each other as they pull their costumes off. Dick is naked in seconds and he gets down on his knees to help Jason remove his thigh holsters. Dick makes a quick job of it, but he sets the guns down carefully, an action that makes Jason want to laugh. Dick has handled guns before, he knows how to shoot them, he shoots his grappling gun all the time, but he treats Jason’s guns tenderly like they might go off if he treats them the wrong way. Dick pulls down Jason’s pants and Jason grins, but reaches down and brushes his finger against Dick’s mask. 

“Might want to take this off and get rid of your comm before we get to that,” Jason says.

Dick smirks, “I’ll take off mine if you take off yours.”

“Deal,” Jason says as he takes off his boots and kicks his pants off. He takes his mask off and sets it down on the nightstand. Dick follows Jason to the nightstand and sets his mask and comm down with Jason’s. Dick pulls him into another kiss, tongue slipping into his mouth and Jason sees stars. If there’s anything positive about all of Dick’s former sexual partners, it’s all the experience Dick isn’t afraid to use on Jason. 

Jason moans into Dick’s mouth and pushes Dick’s boxer briefs down, revealing his erection. Dick presses against Jason and ruts against him gently. His hips feel like sin as they move against Jason’s thigh and Jason is forced to take his own boxers out so his erection isn’t confined against the cup.

“How about we skip the blowjob and you let me fuck you instead?” Jason suggests as he gives Dick’s ass a gentle squeeze, Dick keens against him and Jason smirks. 

“Yes,” Dick whispers, pulling the two of them onto the bed.

Jason climbs on top of Dick and takes a moment to look at the perfect male underneath him. While Dick has scars, they look so right on his tanned skin. Jason traces his hands over Dick’s chest and down his abdomen, following the line of his muscles to his groin. Jason wants to spend hours looking at how flawless Dick’s muscles are. It’s like Dick is a sculpture come to life, a study of what perfection should be and he’s underneath Jason’s hands.  

Dick cups his cheek and Jason looks into those bright blue eyes, “Jason,” he whispers and Jason can’t help it, he leans down and kisses Dick soft and slow.

“Dick.” Jason leans his forehead against Dick’s and wonders if he revealed too much with that kiss. He reaches over to the nightstand, breaking the moment to grab the condoms and lube. His eyes flick over to Dick, laying there with his eyes closed, raven hair spread on the pillow.

Jason takes a breath and Dick opens his eyes, coming back into the moment. “Ready?” Jason asks.

“Yeah,” Dick replies, wrapping an arm around Jason.

Jason squeezes lube onto his fingertips and his finger around Dick’s entrance, taking in the way his breath hitches and his hips buck slightly. It blows Jason away that he can evoke these reactions out of Dick. He slips his finger inside slowly and Dick moans as Jason begins thrusting it. One of Dick’s hands is fisted in the sheets and Jason knows it’s taking everything for Dick, man of action, to not be squirming all over the place right now. Jason slips a second finger in and Dick’s arm tightens around him, nails biting into Jason’s skin and making his dick twitch. Jason exhales slowly, a low groan escaping.

“Hang on, Pretty Bird,” Jason says as he scissors his fingers, one of them brushing the bundle of nerves that causes Dick to cry out underneath him.

“Fuck, Jason.” Dick’s back arches and Jason pulls his fingers out. He puts the condom on and lines himself up.

“Ready?”

“Yes, God, yes, come on Jason,” Dick is looking at him with lust darkened eyes and Jason mentally stores the image away. It’s one of the sexiest things he’s ever seen in his life, but it’s something he wants to remember forever. If things don’t work out between the two of them, the image of Dick, waiting for Jason to fuck him, is all worth it.

Jason lines himself up with Dick’s entrance and pushes in slowly, groaning as he feels Dick around him. Dick’s legs wrap around his hips, pushing Jason in deeper and they both moan at the feeling of Jason deep inside Dick.

“Fuck,” Jason takes a moment before he sets up a slow rhythm, Dick’s hips moving with him to drive him in deeper. Dick drags his nails down Jason’s back and Jason practically growls and he kisses Dick with bruising force, speeding up and hitting Dick’s prostate with every thrust.

Dick moans Jason’s name and Jason can feeling himself getting so close that it’s almost painful. Jason reaches between them and starts pumping Dick’s erection in time with his thrusts. “Fuck, Little Wing!” Dick shouts and that’s enough to push Jason over the edge. His orgasm slams into him and he comes with a loud moan, Dick close behind him, spilling all over their stomachs and Jason’s hand. Jason pants, soft noises coming out as he milks their orgasms, trying to get as much pleasure out of this for both of them. Jason stills his hips and Dick gently pushes his hand away allowing Jason to collapse on top of Dick.

“Fuck, Dick.” Jason pulls out and closes his eyes, basking in the post-orgasmic bliss before the regret of everything has a chance to set in.

“That was, holy shit, Jason,” Dick says as he nuzzles Jason’s cheek. Dick starts running his fingers through Jason’s hair and Jason practically purrs at how amazing it feels 

They stay like that for a long time, Dick running his fingers through Jason’s hair while Jason is half on top of him. He doesn’t fall asleep, but he falls into the zen like state that comes after mind blowing sex. Their breathing syncs up and Jason gets to enjoy what just happened. Jason is just about to doze off when Dick shifts underneath him. 

“I should go,” Dick says. In that moment, all the regret of what they just did and how emotionally invested in it Jason was, slams into him. Jason forces himself to sit up and he pulls off the used condom, tossing it aside. He’ll clean it all up later. Dick hands him a wet wipe and Jason wipes himself off with a frown as the weight of everything settles down on his shoulders.

Why the fuck did he let this happen? Jason should know better now than to let himself do this. He knows better than to settle into the afterglow with Dick and hope he can fall asleep there. Dick doesn’t want the emotional investment that comes with spending a night sleeping next to Jason. Not when Jason has panic attacks and a tendency to lash out at his bed partners. Falling asleep with Dick on the couch the other night had been a lucky occurrence. Jason didn’t have any nightmares and Dick was too tired to care about who he was cuddling with. Dick isn’t going to want to talk Jason down from panic attacks in the middle of the night. He won’t want to lose the sleep that he desperately needs worrying about whether or not Jason will punch him as he’s fighting invisible demons.

“Everything alright?” Dick asks as he looks back at Jason, he’s halfway into his costume and Jason hates how familiar this is. 

“Yeah,” Jason lies. He wants to reach for a pack of cigarettes but because of Dick Fucking Grayson, he’s given it up. Fucking Dick.

“Alright,” Dick says and Jason knows Dick doesn’t believe him. He stares at the stained sheets, looking anywhere but at himself or Dick. “Well.” Dick grabs his mask and comm from the nightstand beside Jason. “I’m going to head back to the ‘Haven.”

“Bye.” Jason flinches when it comes out with attitude. Great. Now Dick is going to know how much Jason is hating himself for doing this. He’ll think Jason regrets it for all the wrong reasons.

Dick leans in and holds Jason’s cheek, looking into his eyes. He looks like he wants to say something, but instead he kisses Jason, soft and tender. It’s the kind of kiss that would cause a foot pop in one of those cliché rom-coms that Jason knows Dick loves.

“I’m glad you quit smoking,” Dick says as he pulls away.

Jason watches Dick leave and Jason tips his head back. He’s so fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the comments/kudos/support on the first chapter, I couldn't believe it and I love you all for it <3
> 
> This chapter is where the PTSD and addiction tags come in. I'm glad I was able to include Roy in this. 
> 
> This is unbeta'd and while I try my best to catch everything before I post, some stuff still gets through. If anyone sees anything, please let me know. 
> 
> I can be found at [carbonjen.tumblr.com](http://carbonjen.tumblr.com/)feel free to follow me/send prompts (seriously I love answering headcanon asks and prompt requests)
> 
> That's all from me for now. Potential Dick-Centric chapter coming up!


	3. Chapter 3

Dick likes being a police officer, he really does. It may be something about his need to impress people, but he loves the reactions people have to him in the Blüdhaven Police Department always make him swell up with pride. First, it’s the look of shock on their faces when they see Bruce Wayne’s ward in one of the worst police precincts in the country. Then it’s that smug look they get, they don’t expect him to do well. Dick knows that so many people were rooting for him to fail when he came into the BPD. The moment he lives for, the one that makes it all worth it, is the look of surprise and awe he sees on their faces when they realize Dick isn’t just some spoiled pretty boy. It may or may not have been something that turned him on when he first came into the ‘Haven. He had been single, angry, and in need of proving himself, when he’d done it, he’d enjoyed the satisfaction in all sorts of ways.

Today was one of the days when he really doesn’t like being a police officer. Dick walks into the precinct and his superior hands him Thompson’s file and a page with an address on it. The moment Dick gets it he gets a sinking feeling in his stomach. It’s criminals like Thompson who prey on children and know how to hide it that really bother Dick. He came into Blüdhaven so he could work with the police as Nightwing to get scum like Thompson who thought they were immune put away for good.

Dick drives to the address, an old warehouse near the river, and he tries to tell himself that it’s not what he expects. There are already two or three squad cars at the scene and Dick curses knowing that whatever evidence might be at the scene has been tampered with. He gets a sinking feeling in his stomach as he presses past the crime scene tape and into the warehouse.

When Dick sees Thompson’s body slumped in a chair with a cardboard sign next to it he wants to punch something to get rid of the anger and disappointment that take over almost instantly.

“I guess the investigation is over now,” Sanchez, one of the good officers that Dick works with, says.

“He didn’t deserve this,” Dick says, unable to look away from the unfamiliar handwriting on the sign.

“Honestly, I didn’t know the Red Hood operated in Blüdhaven,” Sanchez says as she directs the forensics analyst to take a picture of the scene. “I thought he stuck to Gotham.”

“He normally does,” Dick said. He hates this whole situation. He hates how he wasn’t able to take Thompson down on his own, as Nightwing or as Officer Grayson. He knew it would have taken awhile to get Thompson incarcerated, but he had been telling himself that it would all be worth it to see him put away in the end. Years of suffering in Blüdhaven’s prison would have been a better punishment than death. It would have meant cleaning up Blüdhaven just a little bit more from the inside out. Even if he had given up and taken care of Thompson as Nightwing, he still would have done it on his own. Dick didn’t need Jason to clean up his messes when things weren’t happening fast enough.

“Honestly,” Sanchez says to him, voice low, “I’m actually kind of glad this guy got taken care of the vigilante way. We both know he would have fled Blüdhaven if he’d gotten close to being jailed. This way we don’t have to worry about him anymore.”

Dick hates how much he agrees with her on that statement. Thompson was awful for what he did, but Batman’s teachings and his own morals are ingrained so deeply within him that he can’t get any sort of satisfaction from this. Dick knows he’s going to lose sleep over the whole situation.

“He should have faced justice before this happened,” Dick says. “I wanted him to hear that he was guilty and I wanted to know that the police could do its job and put this guy away. Vigilantes shouldn’t have to do our jobs for us.”

He can feel Sanchez looking at him and she puts her hand gently on his shoulder. “Why don’t you take the rest of the day off,” she offers. “I finish the paperwork for the case and you can relax. You don’t have to worry about this guy anymore.”

Dick sighs and runs a hand through his hair. Now he’ll have to get rid of all the case files he’s got in his apartment. Now he’ll have to pick up another case that will somehow help him sort out all the corruption in the BPD.   
“See you around, Grayson,” Sanchez says as she pats his shoulder. “Now go home and get some rest. We both know how much you need it.”

“Yeah,” Dick laughs sardonically at himself as he goes back to his squad car. He drives back to the precinct in silence and when he gets back the commissioner calls Dick into his office.

Dick groans. He doesn’t need any of this today. He just wants night to come so he can fight crime and feel like he’s actually doing something. He wants to run into Jason and punch him for ruining all of Dick’s progress on this. He _knew_ how sensitive all of this was and he went out and killed Thomson anyways. It hurts even more to know that this is the first time in almost a year that Jason has killed someone. He did it because Dick couldn’t do his own damn job.

“Grayson,” the Commissioner says when Dick enters the office. “Close the door.”

Dick does as he’s told. “If this is about the Thompson case,” Dick starts but the Commissioner holds up a hand and Dick stops.

“It is and it isn’t,” the Commissioner starts. “I know how much this case meant to you, and I know how much it means to you to clean up this department, but people are starting to ask questions.”

“What do you mean?” Dick asks, making sure to look confused, forcing his body not to tense.

“People are starting to associate you with the cleaning up we’re doing in the department and I appreciate it, I really do, but people aren’t trusting each other. With all the vigilantes right now trying to take care of things themselves, we need our officers to be a cohesive unit.”

“Even if they’re corrupt?” Dick asks, throwing one of his hands up. “Sir, nearly half of your officers are working for gangs and drug lords and you’re firing me because I’m stirring things up?”

“You’re making yourself a target, you’re making me a target, and you’re making every officer you associate with a target,” the Commissioner replies. “Dick, I really do appreciate all you’ve done, but I have enough to worry about without you endangering every good officer here. I’m going to need you to turn in your badge and gun.”

Dick pulls his badge out and takes off the holster that holds his gun. He’d never used the damn thing anyways. He’d used his baton far more and it had been much more effective. He places them on the desk and he and the Commissioner stare at each other in stony silence.

“You’re making a mistake,” Dick says as he straightens out and turns to the door.

“I’m doing what’s best for Blüdhaven.”

“So was I,” Dick replies as he leaves the precinct and heads back to his apartment.

Dick spends the day in the gym, trying to work his anger out in the most productive way possible. He practices his acrobatics, works with his escrima, and punches the heavy bag in his training space until he’s dripping sweat and his knuckles are on the verge of bleeding.

  
When night finally falls, he takes to the skies as Nightwing, taking down petty crime after petty crime. Maybe if he stops the small ones he’ll prevent them from getting any further into a life of crime. Dick works himself on the streets until he’s sore. He hasn’t taken many hits and he knows he’s being a bit rough tonight in hopes of it killing the disappointment he feels in himself.

Dick is resting on top of one of the taller buildings in Blüdhaven when he hears the soft landing of boots behind him. Dick has to force himself to take a deep breath, but when he turns and see’s Jason’s cocky demeanor, he loses it, flying at Jason and knocking him down onto the ground.

The roll around for what feels like hours, each of them grappling each other, but neither of them able to get enough purchase to really keep the other down. Jason has too much brute strength and he’s probably running on the pride of what he did last night like a cat bringing a dead bird to their owner. Dick is too angry and knows enough about worming out of holds and using his attacker’s weight against them to let Jason trap him.

Jason either slips up or gives in after about fifteen minutes of rolling around and he lets Dick press him down against the rooftop.

“Why would you do that?” Dick asks, caging Jason in, looking at his faint reflection in Jason’s helmet.

“I thought you’d be relieved,” Jason spits back. “Since you refused to take Thompson down as Nightwing and since the BPD was getting nowhere with it.”

“You killed him!” Dick grabs the leather of Jason’s jacket by the shoulders and slams Jason down against the ground. “It had been over a year since you’d killed anyone and you killed him when someone else was already on the case.”

“He wasn’t stopping,” Jason replies. “He was still selling kids into slavery and keeping the ones he liked. He was still making money off of it.” Jason locks his legs around Dick and pulls Dick down close to him. “Anyways, I left him alive. If the Blüdhaven police had really been watching him as closely as you claimed they would have found him before he died.”

Jason uses that moment to flip them and hop off of Dick, forming some distance between them. He takes his helmet off and tosses it aside.

Dick stands. “You still knew.” Dick steps towards Jason and they both square their shoulders, glaring at each other. Dick feels like they’re two dogs about to fight. “You knew the police weren’t going to be keeping an eye on him. You knew he was going to die.”

“I thought you would have been keeping an eye on him,” Jason corrects, sneer on his face. “I thought you would be going out of your way to make sure he wouldn’t keep doing what he was doing to _children_ while you were fucking around in the police department playing dressup in your police costume.”

Jason always knows how to get to Dick, he knows exactly how to press up under Dick’s skin and Dick knows he doing it on purpose tonight. Dick’s eye twitches and he punches Jason hard on the cheek. Jason shoves him forward and Dick shoves roughly back.

It’s a graceless fight this time. They’re both not thinking as they angrily throw punches at each other and end up on the ground again, rolling and punching each other in places they know it will hurt the other. Jason purposely punches Dick in the ribs he cracked a few nights prior. Dick wrenches the shoulder Jason dislocated a few weeks ago.

“I hate you so much,” Dick growls out as he pulls on Jason’s hair.

“Fuck you, Dick,” Jason replies as he smashes their mouths together. Blood ends up all over their mouths either from Jason’s bloody nose or Dick’s split lip, maybe both. Neither of them cares as their mouths battle each other for dominance, teeth and tongues clashing as they roll around on the rooftop. Jason  undoes the defences on Dick’s costume and unzips the back of it. Dick shoves off Jason’s jacket in return.

“I fucking had it,” Dick says as he pulls away and bites roughly at Jason’s neck. “I was this close and you fucking killed him.”

Jason scratches his nails down Dick’s back and Dick groans, back arching into Jason, the welts burning as Jason shoves him back onto the rough rooftop. Dick pushes Jason’s shirt off and bites his neck, his shoulder, and his pectoral, leaving dark marks that they both know will bruise. They’re kneeling in front of each other and Dick pulls Jason’s head back by his hair, biting Jason’s earlobe.

“You got me fired,” Dick says, pulling back and watching the way Jason’s eyes widen behind his mask. If it didn’t hurt so much. Dick would almost say it was comical. “I was too much of a threat to everyone in the department because I was cleaning it up. The Commissioner said I was putting all the good officers in danger because they knew I was the one clearing house.”

“I had nothing to do with that,” Jason says as he yanks Dick’s costume down roughly, he pushes down Dick’s jockstrap as well, revealing Dick’s erection. “You’re just upset you can’t play pretend anymore. You and I both know we’re not made for being on the force. They don’t like our justice.”

“They don’t like your justice,” Dick says, pulling Jason’s pants down. He can tell Jason is hard behind his cup. “Mine was just fine. I was doing a good job.”

“Then why did they fire you?” Jason asks. “It was going to happen whether I took down Thompson or not.”

“Fuck you,” Dick says as he shoves the jock strap out of the way and presses Jason down onto the rooftop. “You don’t get to dictate how I choose to run things in my city.”

“You were slipping up,” Jason says as he pulls a packet of lube and a condom out of one of his pockets and throws them roughly at Dick’s face. Dick slaps Jason who knees him lightly enough in the groin for it to be painful but arousing. Dick moans. “You can’t fight crime from both sides. That’s not how it works. You were fighting a losing battle.”

“Shut up,” Dick says, silencing Jason with his mouth. He bites roughly on Jason’s bottom lip and Jason threads his fingers through Dick’s hair.

“You just don’t like hearing the truth,” Jason replies. Dick punches Jason’s shoulder and Jason grunts in pain. “You wouldn’t be reacting this way if I was wrong and we both know it.”

Dick rips open the packet of lube, some of it splattering onto Jason’s chest. He coats his fingers with it and Jason opens his legs slightly, letting Dick slide his hand between them.

“You had no right to kill him,” Dick says as he slides the first finger inside Jason. “You were doing so well.”

Jason’s head tips back as Dick’s finger moves in and out of him, his hand is fisted at his side. “You think I actually wanted him to die?” Jason asks. “I wanted to have faith in you. I wanted to see if you were paying attention to him. I wanted to see if you knew that he never- Ah!” Jason cries out when Dick slips a second finger inside him and starts scissoring them to stretch Jason out. “That he never stopped.” Jason’s hips buck up. “I wanted to see if you could pay attention to things from both sides.”

“I was trying to get rid of members of a gang that were trying to kill the Commissioner,” Dick replies as he looks for Jason’s prostate. “I was trying to protect the officers that care enough about these cases to stop more people like Thompson from setting up shop here.”

Jason shakes his head. “You’re lying to yourself.”

Dick pulls his fingers out of Jason and grabs the condom, putting it on and then lubing himself up. He lines himself up at Jason’s entrance.

“You failed Dick. You let me down, you let the police down, and you let yourself down.”

Dick presses inside at that moment and they both groan, Jason’s hips bucking up. “I was going to get him,” he says as he thrusts in and out, setting up a fast rhythm. It’s pleasurable right on the verge of being painful, but it’s what they both need right now.

“I know,” Jason says. “I know Pretty Bird.”

The nickname hurts more than it should and it leaves a bitter taste in Dick’s mouth as he thrusts into Jason. It’s almost as if Jason knows what he’s done because he pulls Dick into another kiss, it’s still rough, but this time, it feels like it means something. Both of them have accepted that this is their fucked up version of catharsis. Dick has resigned himself to it as he feels heat building up in his stomach. Jason cries out underneath him as Dick starts hitting his prostate with every thrust.

“Fuck,” Jason groans as he scratches Dick’s back again. The pain is enough to drive Dick into his orgasm. He crashes into it and his vision whites out for a moment as he comes inside Jason, thrusting erratically a few more times before his limbs collapse. Dick kisses Jason, sloppy and careless as he jerks Jason off.

“Come on,” Dick says and Jason comes moments later, hot and messy on his hand. Dick pulls out of Jason, pulls off the condom, and rolls over, looking up at the starless smoggy sky. They lay next to each other for a few minutes, catching their breath and listening to the sounds of the city below. The regret finally starts to sink in and Dick sits up.

He and Jason had actually been having what felt like meaningful sex, but tonight, Dick feels dirty and he drops his head between his knees. Today has been a shit day and he had to go and fuck Jason on a rooftop to get his anger out. Their relationship was already complicated but now Dick is further from knowing what it is.

“I failed,” Dick admits.

He can feel Jason’s eyes on him and Dick doesn’t try to look back at the other male. He can’t bring himself to do it. Not after everything that’s happened in this clusterfuck of a day.

Jason stands up and starts getting dressed, reaching out a hand to Dick and helping him up. Dick tucks himself back into his jockstrap and zips up his costume.

“I’m not saying you’re fighting the wrong fight,” Jason tells him as he puts his helmet on. “I’m just saying you needed to stop playing pretend in the force and do your fucking job the way you were taught so kids don’t become casualties.”

  
Jason grapples away and Dick is left alone on the rooftop, listening to the sound of sirens below.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes the best way to work out your anger is by fucking on a rooftop. 
> 
> I'm on a writing roll right now so a new chapter will be out soon. 
> 
> I'd also like to note when I say they're grappling each other on the rooftop, they're not shooting each other with their grapple guns, they're grappling in a martial arts context. 
> 
> Send me prompts, prod me for updates, or just talk to me at[carbonjen.tumblr.com](http://carbonjen.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Thank you all so much for your comments and kudos, I appreciate them all. They really do keep me going 
> 
> <3 Jen


	4. Chapter 4

Dick presses his face against the cool tile wall of his shower as hot water hits his back. Jason really does know all the places to hit in order to hurt Dick. His ribs are bruised and the scratch marks up and down his back make him look like he lost a battle with Catwoman. It didn’t help that Jason knew exactly why he was upset and had managed to shut Dick down enough to make Dick confront his problems. 

Dick let tears mix with the droplets of water that were falling over his body. He couldn’t believe he’d lost track of himself to the point where he was failing completely at both his jobs. He was endangering all the good officers at the police department and he’d done nothing to stop Thompson on his own. Dick didn’t need Bruce to confront him to know how disappointed his mentor would be in him. 

None of that added up to the disappointment Dick felt in himself. It had taken Jason killing someone for him to realize how much he’d truly overwhelmed himself in all his work. It had been so long since Dick had fucked something up this badly and the feeling of it makes Dick feel like he’s suffocating in the shower. 

Right now, Dick just wants someone to hold him and tell him it’s all going to be okay. He knows that he isn’t going to get that though. The only person that would be willing to hold him left Blüdhaven after Dick fucked him on a rooftop less than an hour ago. 

But that’s not how their relationship works. Jason doesn’t seem remotely interested in pursuing anything other than their occasional one night stands. He and Dick meet on patrol and fuck, but when it comes to their personal lives, they stay out of it. Anyways, if Dick couldn’t handle police work and patrols as Nightwing in Blüdhaven, what are the chances that he’ll be able to balance a relationship with what he’s doing? Dick knows his own history better than anyone, he doesn’t do relationships very well. He knows that if he fucks things up with Jason, he might scare Jason away from him completely. After losing Jason years ago, Dick doesn’t think he could handle losing Jason again. 

Dick turns the shower off and patches himself. It’s a good thing he doesn’t have to go into work tomorrow. He’s got a bruise on his cheek and his lip is swollen from how roughly they’d kissed. Dick grabs a tissue and wipes gently at some of the blood oozing out of his lip as it dries after his shower. Tonight is one of those nights where Dick hates that he lives alone so far away from Gotham. As he makes his way into his living room, he feels the isolation that he signed himself up for. 

He had been so desperate to get away from Bruce that he’d forgotten how much he thrived on interaction with people. Sure, Dick gets out at night and talks to Barbara occasionally when he takes up cases as Nightwing, but it’s not enough. Dick doesn’t have a job to go to anymore during the day and a trip out to Gotham at this hour isn’t worth it. Everyone in Gotham is settled and they do pretty well without him there.

He realizes he’s been relying on his flings with Jason to get the intimacy he’s been missing since he and Kori broke off their engagement. There had always been an undeniable attraction between Dick and Jason but there had always been something in the way. Dick had left Gotham to be Nightwing, then he was in a relationship with Barbara, then Kori, then Jason died. When Jason came back, the attraction between them came to a head and they only really had one night stands. At first, Jason had been too unpredictable for Dick to really commit to anything. Then Jason stopped killing people and sleeping together became a regular thing between them. 

At first, Dick had told himself that they had to stop doing it, or he would insist they would only fuck with masks on to keep things from getting personal. But now, Jason has quit smoking and stopped killing, leading Dick to believe that Jason might be doing these things for him. Dick knows their attraction is strong enough that it has to be mutual, but being attracted to each other and having feelings for each other are two completely different things. 

Jason is also insanely complicated. One day he’ll be at Dick’s place patching him up after a rough day at patrol and the next, he’s killing people because Dick isn’t doing his job fast enough. Jason’s complications aren’t a new thing, but now that they’re more focused on Dick, he doesn’t know what to do about it. All he knows is that one moment he was fucking Jason because he was pissed at him, and now, he’s realizing that he’s falling in love with him and that’s the last thing either of them needs. 

Dick starts thinking things over as he flicks through the channels on his TV. It’s something he can only do by himself because any time he tries to do it around another person, they end up stealing the remote out of his hands. Jason once described it as nauseating. 

He and Jason are probably going to put some space between them for the next few days. They’ll both need to recover from what happened tonight, and Dick will need time to mope over losing his job at the police department. The next time they meet on patrol, they’ll probably pick up from where they left off and go back to having one night stands again. 

-

The problem with trying to predict Jason is that as much as Dick can try sometimes, he can’t. Parts of Jason are easy to predict including his fighting styles, his targets when he works on cases, and his food choices. When it comes to Jason’s emotions and personal relationships, he’s completely unpredictable. Dick figured it was a combination of Jason’s life on the streets, his time with Batman, and then his visit in the pit and everything that came after. It didn’t surprise Dick that it had left Jason a bit erratic. 

It surprises Dick when he opens his door and to see Jason standing there looking more like the 21 year old he really is than Dick has ever seen. Jason’s holding a bag of Chinese food from Dick’s favorite place and he looks so uncomfortable standing there in only a pair of jeans and a black hoodie. Dick can only stare at him. 

“What are you doing here?” Dick asks stepping aside so Jason can come in. He’s wearing an old Gotham Knight’s shirt and a pair of loose shorts but Jason doesn’t seem to mind. He steps into Dick’s apartment and sets the food down in Dick’s kitchen. He looks more comfortable in Dick’s kitchen than Dick has ever felt there. 

“I figured after what happened yesterday you might need a little pick me up.” Jason shrugs as he grabs two bowls and starts unpacking the food. “And I know I probably didn’t help the whole situation.” Dick can tell it’s difficult for Jason to admit that he’s in the wrong. “I also I know you’re probably planning on surviving on cereal until one of us comes here and tells you to eat real food.” Jason is exactly right about that part. Dick’s sink has been slowly filling up with empty cereal bowls again.

“Thanks,” Dick says, going over and filling up a bowl, when he’s done, he goes over to his couch and Jason comes over moments later, his bowl a heap of food. “Hungry?”

“Fuck you,” Jason says as he starts shoveling food into his mouth and nudges Dick. “I’m a growing boy.”

“Oh I know,” Dick says as he grabs the remote. Jason snatches it away moments later. 

“We’re not channel surfing,” Jason says as he goes to Netflix and chooses a movie. “That shit gives me a headache.” 

“I think everyone just lacks the attention span for it,” Dick says as he digs into his food. As much as he doesn’t want to admit it, he’s glad Jason is here. Not just because he doesn’t want to be alone in the apartment, but because he won’t have to explain anything to Jason. If any other member of the family decides to visit, Dick will have to explain to them why he got fired and he’s not ready to confront that with the family yet. He knows they’ll be disappointed in him and he can’t handle going through that mental process again. It had kept him up all night last night. Dick had beat himself up and gone over every possible mistake he’d made to figure out where he’d slipped and to find out what exactly got him fired. 

“Dick,” Jason said. “Stop thinking about it. It’ll only make things worse.”

“How did you know I was thinking about it?” Dick asks as he pokes at his food with his fork.    


“You went a little dead behind the eyes,” Jason says. “And I know this isn’t the kind of thing you’re going to be over in a day, but I think you need to not let yourself get so caught up in it. Focus your energy on being the best at being Nightwing.”

Dick didn’t know how to respond to that so he looked at his bowl and ate a few more bites. Jason shoved the last of his food down and wrapped his arm around Dick’s shoulders pulling him close. 

“You have to fail sometimes to succeed, Pretty Bird,” Jason says, the nickname causing Dick's cheeks to flush. Jason’s tenderness while he says it makes Dick’s stomach flip. It’s moments like this that make Dick question himself. There has to be more to their relationship when the two of them share moments like this. “And now, you’re going to find the way to succeed in Blüdhaven because you’re the Golden Boy, Nightwing, and Dick Grayson.”   


“Jason,” Dick says softly, looking up into Jason’s teal eyes. He can’t believe how bright and earnest they are. He can’t believe what Jason just said to him. He actually had faith in Dick after everything that had happened. 

Dick leans in and presses their mouths together. It’s gentle and Dick thinks for a second that a moment this tender will scare Jason away, but Jason cups his cheek and lets Dick climb on top of him. They make out slowly, like time doesn’t matter because right now, between the two of them, it doesn’t. They’re not making out in a way that will lead to sex, they’re actually having a moment. Jason is rubbing small circles into Dick’s back and Dick is stroking Jason’s cheekbone with his thumb. 

They pull away to catch their breath and Dick rests his forehead on Jason’s, he can see the white stripe in Jason’s hair dangling down between them. They look into each other’s eyes and while he may be trying his best to hide it, Jason looks scared. Dick presses a gentle kiss to his lips and rests his head on Jason’s shoulder, giving him a slight squeeze. 

“Stay here tonight,” he says. Jason’s hoodie is soft on his cheek and it smells like gunpowder, detergent, and a hint of Jason’s sweat. It’s comforting enough that Dick finally feels his body start to relax. 

“Okay,” Jason says after a few long moments. Dick feels Jason relax underneath him and Jason starts running his fingers through Dick’s hair. 

Dick falls asleep curled up to Jason, TV running in the background. He wakes up at one point in the middle of the night. He’s about to wake Jason up to see if Jason wants to move to the bed. When he turns to look at Jason, his head tipped back and his mouth is open. Dick realizes he hasn’t seen Jason sleeping since before Jason died. As unflattering as the position might be, Dick is so endeared by it that his heart swells. He can’t wake Jason up when he’s this deeply asleep, he knows how fleeting is a few hours of rest is for both of them. 

“I love you Jason,” Dick whispers before he falls back asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Dick-Centric chapter! They're both so fun to write that I can't limit it to both of them. 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr at [ carbonjen.tumblr.com](http://carbonjen.tumblr.com/) feel free to send me prompts or ask for headcanons. I really do like receiving that kind of stuff even though there's none on my blog. 
> 
> Anyways, as usual, this chapter is unbeta'd so if there are any glaring errors, please let me know. Thanks again for all the kudos and comments, they give me life.
> 
> <3 Jen


	5. Chapter 5

Dick wakes up the next morning on the couch, cold and alone. His TV is off and as usual, Jason has cleaned up after himself. As Dick gets up and starts pouring himself a bowl of cereal, he wonders what he’s supposed to do with his day now that Jason is gone and he’s alone again. He wishes Jason had stayed so they could have a crappy little breakfast and laugh at stupid shows on TV together. He longs for some kind of domesticity between them even though he knows that’s the opposite of what Jason does. Waking up this morning had just been proof of that, Jason is intimate one moment and the next he’s running away.

Dick sits in front of the TV all day, channel surfing and waiting for time to pass by. It feels like his brain is melting and he absolutely hates it. Even training feels useless to him. Dick eventually caves and goes to some random yoga class in order to pass the time somehow. The class is good, but Dick hates how eyes are on him the entire time. Today is not one of those days where Dick wants people staring at him like he’s some kind of novelty. Instead of feeding his ego like it normally would, it just fills Dick with resentment and he ends up yelling at the owner of the studio for allowing the class to become a spectacle. Afterwards, he feels so bad about it he pays the owner’s rent for the next six month and sends her an apology basket full of the most popular health foods.

Dick tries to shake off the emptiness on patrol the next few nights. Jason, unsurprisingly, avoids him like the plague. He probably knows enough about Dick’s reputation to avoid anything that they could possibly fuck up.

Almost a week later, Dick’s comm buzzes. “So, Nightwing, you want something to do?” Jason’s voice is playful and Dick does his best to school his giddiness so he doesn’t seem pathetic. They both know Dick has nothing better to do. He’s been pushing himself so hard over the past week crime in Blüdhaven is down and Blackgate has sent out a notice asking Nightwing to lay up a bit because the prison is starting to fill up. Dick’s already sent a lobbyist with pockets full of money to Blüdhaven’s city hall to convince the dirty city they need a new wing in their prison.

Dick smiles as he replies, “I have a little bit of time to spare,” he’s grinning like a small child and his stomach is flipping at the sight of seeing Jason again. His lips tingle, needing to feel the press of Jason’s on his own.

“Well,” Jason says. “Get your pretty ass to Our Lady of Sorrows and I can fill you in on the case I’m working on.” Dick is already hopping down to get his motorcycle.

“Be there in twenty,” Dick says as he grabs his helmet and puts it on. As he rides into Gotham, he has to tell himself not to expect too much. Jason is probably going to pretend nothing happened the other night. He bobs and weaves between cars, ignoring their horns and the occasional cheer sent his way, eventually pulling up next to Jason’s bike and grappling up to the church.

“About time,” Jason says as Dick approaches him on the roof. “There’s a guy from Bay City that’s been trying to establish himself as the new biggest drug lord in Gotham. He thinks he’s the shit and has invested all sorts of money into new drugs that hit you faster and they’re flavored so he can target kids.” Dick knows it’s almost everything Jason hates in a criminal. Jason points to a map of the warehouses by the docks and an area that’s circled in red. “He’s getting a shipment in tonight of cotton candy flavored amphetamines. I’m going to hijack that shipment and instead of adding it to my supply, I’m just going to blow it up. Nobody messes with the biggest drug lord in Gotham.”

Sometimes Dick forgets that’s how Jason makes all of his money. He and the rest of the family have all turned a blind eye to the fact that Jason manages all of Gotham’s drug dealers, keeping them in place in order to keep crime down. As much as Dick hates it, with Jason running the trade, crime has been down. Jason is slowly choking the drug trade in Gotham out of existence, getting the former heads of the trade new jobs in other fields and making sure Gotham’s worst addicts are in rehab to get their problems fixed.

“So what we’re going to do,” Jason says. “Clarke is going to be there to make sure it’s the right stuff and to try some of it. We’re going to put bombs on the crates and then we’re going to kidnap Clarke and interrogate him so we know who his supplier is. Then I’m going to send some of my guys to take down his suppliers too. I can’t have the fuckers making product specifically for kids. That’s a new kind of fucked up.”

“What time is the pickup?” Dick asks.

“Thirty minutes, just enough time for us to get over there and do some recon before everything starts.” Jason folds up the map and puts it in his jacket. “Shall we?”

“Lead the way,” Dick says as he pulls out his grappling gun. He and Jason race to the docks, shouting playful jabs at each other as they fly through the night. Dick feels freer now than he has in months, flying through the sky after Jason on the way to take down some drug lord. He missed having enough sleep under his belt and a low enough stress level that allowed him to really enjoy patrol like this. He does a few flips as they go, Jason laughing with him as they act like kids again.

They get to their stake out spot and settle down to make sure everything is still going as planned. Jason frowns behind his binoculars and hands them over to Dick.

“There are twice as many guys here than what they said,” Dick shakes his head. “Do you still want to do this? We could have handled fifteen, but thirty? Is this really the best idea to take on, just the two of us?”  
“We’re handled more men before,” Jason says as he takes the binoculars back and looks at all the security, frown still in place.

“Yeah, but not with assault weapons,” Dick says. “They’re expecting a fight.”

“With other drug lords,” Jason says. “Not with us.”

“Other drug lords would have guns.”

“I have guns,” Jason says and Dick can practically hear the way he’s pouting on his voice.

“Jason, this is a bad idea. We either need to call in backup or keep this as a recon mission.”

“I’m not calling Bruce for help,” Jason snaps as he sets his binoculars aside.

“We would need more than Bruce,” Dick says. “Jason, this is too big for us.”

“I’m still going through with it.” Jason says. “I need to send him a message. You can do whatever you want, but I’m still going in and blowing up the supplies. I’ll leave Clarke alone, but I’m not letting him keep the drugs.”

Dick knows that Jason’s not going to back down anymore. He looks at Jason for a long moment, taking in the stern set of his face as he watches the men below them. He knows that these are the types of men Jason is fighting crime for, but he doesn’t think it’s safe, not like this. He also knows that Jason isn’t going to let Dick stop him and it’s probably best for Dick to stand by and help in case something bad happens.

Jason’s watch beeps and he shifts, putting his binoculars away. Dick wonders for a brief moment if Jason’s jacket is some kind of bottomless pit of tactical gear.  “You ready?” Jason asks.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Dick says, stretching his arms in order to hide his uneasiness. Jason hands him a few small bombs.

“Our goal is easy. Stick these on the crates and run. We’ll meet back here in ten minutes and blow it all up.”  
  
Dick knows there are going to be casualties. He knows there are so many things that could go wrong in the next ten minutes, but he pushes all his worries aside to focus on the task at hand. He and Jason separate, darting between shadows in order to get close to the crates.

“Did you see that?” Dick hears someone ask.

“See what?” A voice replies. Dick darts a little closer to the crates. There are at least ten men around them. How the hell is Dick going to get close enough to put a bomb on them?

“Something’s here,” the first voice replies and Dick moves so he’s out of their way if they start searching.

“Hey, let’s get three guys over here to search. Clarke was right, we’re going to have company tonight.”

Dick watched a few of the men spread out, but the crates were still closely manned. He got as close as he could before reaching up to his ear.

“I’m as close as I’m going to get,” Dick says.

“Same here. I’ll distract them. When you hear the explosion, wait a few seconds for them to respond and then throw a smoke bomb, move in, place the bombs, and bust your ass out of here.”

A man walks by and Dick stays quiet until the man passes. As soon as he gone, he hisses back into his comm, “There’s too many factors where something could go wrong.”

“It’s a risk we have to take.” Jason says. Moments later, Dick hears the sound of something landing a few hundred feet away.

“What was that?” One of the men at the crate cranes his neck and squints, a few more men leave to check it out. Dick thinks that’s the only distraction when he hears and explosion. He grabs a smoke grenade and gets ready.

“Shit!” One of the men says. A few of them run off and the sound of gunshots starts echoing through the air.

“Now!” Jason’s voice is loud in his ear and Dick throws the smoke grenade, running straight into it. The smoke is thick and Dick can barely see anything around him. He has to bring the crook of his elbow up to his face so he doesn’t start inhaling smoke and choking. He can see the flash of gunfire around him and the sound of it punches his eardrums. He has no idea where the bullets are landing, but he puts the bombs on the crates as fast as he can, knocking out two men in the process. Dick runs away from the smoke and manages to grapple away and back onto the rooftop without getting shot. He lays down and tries to catch his breath when he hears the sound of Jason cursing into his comm.

Dick’s heart drops. He knows what that means immediately, Jason hasn’t just been hurt, but he’s been seriously injured. “Jason?” He asks as he sits up and starts looking for Jason in the fray of smoke and gunshots. The smoke is starting to clear and Dick can see Jason running, shooting his own gun at the men chasing him and holding tightly onto his side with one hand. This is not good. Not at all. Whenever Jason gets injured, he has a tendency to brush it off until he’s away from everybody and then he tends to hole up while it heals. Jason isn’t going to seek medical care unless he falls unconscious and Dick knows Jason is going to try to wing it on this one.

“I’m on my way up,” Jason says. “I’m just taking care of some things.” Jason grapples up and then sets off the charges. Even from far away, Dick can feel a faint amount of heat and wind from the explosion on his cheeks. The fire lights Jason up from behind, chasing him as he grapples away from the chaotic scene below them.

Jason throws himself onto the roof and stumbles slightly, pushing away Dick’s hand when Dick tries to catch him.

“You’ve been shot,” Dick says as he watches the blood spill out from between Jason’s fingers, dripping onto the rooftop.

“No shit,” Jason replies between gritted teeth, his face is pale as he loses blood.

“Let me help you,” Dick says as he steps forward and attempts to help Jason stand up. “We can probably be at the Manor in fifteen minutes if we hurry.”

“I’m not going to the Manor,” Jason says as he shoves Dick away again. “I’ll be fine Dick, let me handle this one on my own. I’ve had worse.”

“That doesn’t mean you still need help.” Dick replies.

Jason shakes his head and avoids looking into Dick’s eyes, a sign that he knows he’s making a bad decision. “I’m sorry,” Jason says as he pulls out a tranquilizer, stabbing Dick in the neck with it.

“Jason,” Dick says as he stumbles and brings his hand up to his neck. “Why?”

Jason uses his good arm to guide Dick down onto the ground. He can feel Jason searching around his suit for Dick’s distress signal. “What can I say?” Jason says, Dick can hear the pain and regret already setting into Jason’s voice. Dick’s vision is blurring, but he knows how much Jason hates what he’s doing right now. “I’m good at fucking up.”

Dick passes out a few seconds later.

 

-

 

Dick wakes up in the cave, Alfred next to him and Bruce standing a small distance away, frown on his face. His cowl is off, but he’s still in his suit and Dick knows he’s about to be scolded.

“What happened?” Dick asks.

“I should be asking you that,” Bruce says and Dick closes his eyes, suppressing a groan. He thought Bruce would at least wait.

“Jason and I were trying to stop the shipment of amphetamines from coming in and getting on the street but there were too many men there. I wanted to turn it into a recon mission, but Jason insisted on continuing. I figured it was better if I stayed and made sure he had help instead of letting him do the whole thing himself.” The “and dying” was something that Dick didn’t have to say, they both knew why Dick had stayed.

“And then what happened?” Bruce asks.

“He got shot,” Dick replies. “I tried to take him here to he could get treatment, he was bleeding everywhere, but he insisted on taking care of it himself. When I tried to help him, he tranq’d me.”

“You did what you could, Master Grayson,” Alfred says as he hands Dick a glass of water. “We all know how Master Todd is when it comes to his own injuries.”

“Yeah,” Dick says as he tries to sit up to get out of the makeshift hospital bed they have in the cave. His head swims and he closes his eyes.

“Stay at the Manor tonight,” Bruce says and Dick knows it not something he has a choice in. “Red Robin is getting your bike. Oracle has checked on Red Hood and he’s fine.” Bruce turns away, satisfied with the briefing and sits down at the Batcomputer, looking over whatever needs his help that night.

“It will give you a chance to get some rest and for the rest of the tranquilizer to wear off,” Alfred says gently. “I prepared your room for you.”

“Thanks Alfred,” Dick says, getting up slowly. His head is still spinning and he presses his hand to his eyes.

“Allow me to assist you, Master Grayson.” Dick lets Alfred drape an arm over his shoulders and bring him up to bed.

 

-

 

The next day, as soon as Dick is done with his breakfast, he heads to Jason’s place. He had slept uneasily that night, dreaming about what had happened with Jason and worrying about Jason’s injury whenever he was awake. He knocks on the door of the old warehouse that Roy and Jason call home, Dick has only seen it from the outside. Jason always made sure they had sex in one of his safe houses and even though Dick and Roy had an amicable relationship now, Roy still didn’t like Dick enough to invite him over.

Roy answers the door, hair tied back with small pieces sticking out. He looks at Dick and leans against the doorframe. “What are you doing here, Grayson?”

“I’m here to see Jason,” Dick says. “Can I come in?”

Roy looks at Dick for a long moment and he frowns, “Jason specifically asked not to see you,” Roy says.

“But he was shot, I want to know if he’s okay,” Dick says.

“He’s okay,” Roy says. “And he’s asked not to see you and while I would love to let you come into my home to check on him and act all lovey dovey, it’ll probably cause Jason to have some kind of panic attack later and he doesn’t need that kind of stress on top of his gunshot wound, so no. You can’t come in.”

“Panic attack?” Dick asks, brow furrowing. He should know Jason has them. Dick has them and he hasn’t been through half the trauma Jason has.

“Yeah, Jason has those, and for some reason, you give them to him.”

“I do?” Dick asks, voice small and blue eyes wide. He looks a bit like a kicked puppy and Roy can’t help but take pity on him.

“It’s a weird reason, but yeah.” Roy says. He looks at Dick and sighs. “I can’t let you in, but I guess there’s nothing to stop Nightwing from breaking in tonight while I run out for a nightly stroll.”  Roys voice is quiet and Dick nods. “The code is Lian’s birthday and if you don’t know what that is, you’re terrible and don’t deserve to see Jason because it means you hate children.”

“I remember,” Dick says with a faint smile on his face. “Thanks Roy.”

“What are you thanking me for?” Roy asks as he closes the door, but Dick doesn’t care, he’s going to see Jason that night.

 

-

 

Dick comes back to the warehouse in his Nightwing gear and manages to pick the lock on their door. He has to give Jason and Roy credit, they have a lot of locks and they’re not easy to pick. Dick sees it as a challenge and it’s all worth it if he gets to see Jason. He brought some chili dogs with him along with some soup and some nice painkillers that Jason probably doesn’t have access to. He knows Jason avoids keeping them around Roy, so hopefully they’ll help.

He types the code in on the keypad and it chirps to let him know he’s successfully disarmed it. Dick takes a few moments to look around the chaos that is the main floor of the warehouse. There’s a large carpet with burn marks and blood stains marking which space is the living room. They have a nice TV and a comfy looking couch. They also have a pretty nice kitchen that Dick is sure Jason insisted on. The walls have been filled in with insulation so outside noise doesn’t get in, making the warehouse relatively quiet.

Dick heads to the back of the warehouse where there’s a small staircase leading up to a loft like second floor. There are three doors, Dick peeks into the first one which must be Roy’s room, it a bit messy with clothes thrown everywhere and arrows sticking out of random places. The next room is the bathroom, which is pretty neat minus the half burnt shower curtain. Dick doesn’t want to know what happened there.

Dick approaches the third door which must be Jason’s. He knocks before opening it slightly and sees Jason on a bed that takes up a lot of the space, watching something on his laptop. Jason is shirtless, torso wrapped in bandages, but otherwise, he looks okay. His room is impeccably neat. There’s a bookshelf on one wall and the other wall has a collection of weapons. The only messy part of it is a few guns on the desk that Jason must have been cleaning earlier. Jason looks up at Dick and frowns.

“What are you doing here?” Jason asks as he closes his laptop and pushes it aside.

“I wanted to see if you were okay,” Dick says. “And I brought you food and pain meds in case your side hurts.”

“How did you get in?” Jason asks, Dick can see him eyeing the bag of food hungrily.

“Roy gave me a few hints,” Dick says as he sets the food down on the nightstand and takes one of the chili dogs out, handing it to Jason.

“You can stay for a bit,” Jason says as he unwraps the chili dog and shoves half of it into his mouth. Dick takes his mask off and puts it away into the small backpack he also brought with him. He’d brought some civilian clothes in hopes that Jason would let him stay. “But you’re only allowed to stay because you brought chili dogs.”

“Of course,” Dick says as he tosses his clothes on the bed.

Jason raises an eyebrow. “Making ourselves at home, are we?”

“I figured it would be more comfortable if I cuddled you in something that wasn’t armored and made of kevlar.” Dick unzips his costume and puts a shirt on when he’s pulled it down to his waist. He pulls the rest of the costume off and pulls on the pair of sweats he brought with him. “What were you watching?” Dick stuffs his costume into his backpack and gets on the bed, pressing close to Jason’s good side.

“Animal documentaries,” Jason says as he grabs a second chili dog and wolfs it down with impeccable speed.

“Are you going to keep watching them?” Dick asks.

Jason shrugs and finishes the chili dog, digging through the bag and taking the pain pills out, reading the label before taking one out and swallowing it with water. “Maybe,” Jason says.

They sit in silence for a few moments and Dick can’t help but ask the question burning in his mind. “Why did you run away?”

Jason sighs and scrubs at the side of his face with his hand. “I was scared,” Jason says.

“Scared of what?”

“How much you care.”

“What?”

“I was scared of how much you cared,” Jason said. “You didn’t care about what the case was about. You didn’t care that people died in that explosion, the only thing you cared about when I got shot, was me. It scared me so I ran.”

Dick wraps a gentle arm around Jason and he can feel the younger male stiffen underneath him. “Why did my caring scare you?”

“Because it means we have something going on between us,” Jason says. “It means that no matter how much we tried to fight it, there’s something between us. You care about me too much and I care about you too much.”

“Is that a problem?” Dick asks.

“I don’t know,” Jason replies. He looks scared and Dick holds him close. It’s strange to think that Jason’s acknowledged what’s happening between them. Dick knows he has feelings for Jason, but knowing Jason feels something for him in return makes him giddy and nervous. He’s excited his feelings are returned to some extent. But he knows why it’s frightening.

“You’re scared we’re going to mess things up,” Dick says eventually and Jason nods.

“Neither of us has the best history with relationships or intimacy,” Jason says. “But here we are.”

“Who said we had to have a conventional relationship though?” Dick asks. “I think before, I was always trying force normalcy, but that can’t happen. Neither of us is conventional, our relationship hasn’t started out in a conventional way, so why should we force what other people see as a normal relationship.”

“So you’re saying we should keep going with...whatever this is?” Jason asks.

“I think we should try our best to make each other happy,” Dick replies.

“We’re talking about moving from casual sex to being in a relationship,” Jason says.

“It stopped being casual when you came to my apartment and we cuddled instead of having sex.” Dick reaches down and takes Jason’s hand in his own. Jason lets Dick hold his hand and he looks at his lap in silence.

Jason exhales slowly and Dick feels Jason’s fingers twitch in his own, aching for a cigarette. “I don’t want to put a label on what we have. I feel like labelling it will ruin it.”

“Then we don’t have to label it,” Dick says. “We can just love each other.”

Jason looks at Dick with wide eyes and his entire body stiffens. “What did you say?”

Dick’s mind goes a little haywire in order to backtrack and cover up what he just said. Brotherly love. No, that’s fucked up. Love as in loving each other’s company, still risky. He can’t find anything that will work so he decides on the truth.

“I said,” Dick says slowly, trying to figure out the right way to phrase it. “We can let the love and relationship come first, and labels and everything else can come second.”

“Love?” Jason asks and Dick can tell that if Jason didn’t have a hole in his side, he would be long gone by now. Jason looks terrified and Dick knows that he may have just fucked everything up.

“Love,” Dick says, sticking to his guns. “I...I love you, Jason.”

“So you’re saying, you...love me,” Jason says the words slowly, as if Dick might rip them away moments later.

“Guilty as charged,” Dick says and Jason shoves him lightly.

Jason looks down at his lap. “I love you too,” he says. “The night I figured it out, I completely freaked because I thought you were just in it for the hate sex.”

“Jason, I stopped being in it for the sex a long time ago.”

Jason scoffs and shakes his head. “I just can’t believe this is happening right now.” Jason looks at their hands and then into Dick’s eyes. “I thought you were going to find someone normal and move on. I thought I was just a stop on the way to something better. I mean, here I am, sitting in bed watching nature documentaries with a hole in my side when here comes Dick Grayson, professing his love to me.”

“You and I both know we can’t do normal,” Dick says, pointedly ignoring Jason's last comments. “Anyways, you know me better than anyone else. You told me to stop when I didn’t know I should have. You knew when I was overwhelmed and told me how it was without sugar coating it. You’ve actually been pretty good for me, Jason.”

“Yeah, well it’s because you’re pretty awesome yourself,” Jason says and he shifts awkwardly in the bed. “Ugh, let’s watch one of those documentaries before I get so sentimental I say something I really regret.”

“And what would something regretfully sentimental be?” Dick asks.

“Saying that your eyes rank above your butt when it comes to attractiveness,” Jason said.

“Asshole,” Dick says as he kisses Jason.

“Yeah, but I'm your asshole," Jason says as he nuzzles Dick's cheek. 

"Yeah, you are." Dick says. "And somehow, I've fallen in love with you."

"And somehow I've fallen in love with a guy who wears a skintight costume and runs around all night with sticks on his back."

Dick laughs, "It's a good costume!"

"I guess it is pretty sexy," Jason says. 

They're silent for a few minutes. Jason doesn't reach for the laptop and neither of them moves, they just stay there, wrapped in each other's arms. 

"I guess we're not watching that documentary on wolves in Yellowstone park."

"Guess not," Dick says, eyelids heavy. 

Dick falls asleep half on top of Jason and if it had been anyone else, Jason would have shoved them off. Jason runs his hand through Dick's hair and kisses his forehead. The pain meds are finally starting to kick in and he's going to fall into a dreamless sleep in a few minutes. Jason pulls the blankets up over Dick, which allows Dick to scoot even closer to him in sleep, leg coming over Jason's and arm tightening around him like Dick is some kind of cuddle octopus or something. Jason gently graces his fingers down dicks arm and the scars littered there and then brings them back up to Dick's face, pushing his hair out of the way so he can kiss Dick's temple. 

"I love you, Dick." Jason says, falling asleep a few minutes later. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay feelings!
> 
> There's probably going to be one more chapter and then this fic will be done. As much as I would like to, I don't want to drag it out. 
> 
> As usual, you can follow me at carbonjen.tumblr.com I've posted a few prompt fills there and I'm currently accepting prompts!
> 
> (also I edited the last bit because I accidentally made it the same as the closing line of my last fic, and while it was nice, I wanted this fic to have different lines at the end of the chapter)


	6. Chapter 6

“I can’t believe you actually convinced me to do this,” Jason says, arms crossed. “Of all the things I said I would never do again,  _ ever _ , you got me to do the one thing that was number one on the ‘Jason Doesn’t Want to Do This’ list.”

Jason has been saying things along those lines for the better half of the hour it takes to get to their destination. Dick rolls his eyes through most of it. 

“If you really didn’t want to do it, you would have jumped out of the car already,” Dick says. 

“I’m only doing it because you promised me we’d have sex in every room of your apartment and we’d try that thing where we see how flexible you are.”

“Because I mistakenly pointed out we’d already had sex in every room of my apartment,” Dick adds with a grin. He still remembers that weekend. Dick had noticed Jason staying at his place more often than he stayed in his own place. Jason had made up a few excuses, saying it was because Dick couldn’t clean up after himself and it bothered him, or that Roy was still complaining about that one time Dick and Jason had sex when Roy was there. The reality of it was that Jason had sort of moved in with Dick. Jason wanted to christen it as theirs, hence the sex marathon. 

“Yeah, whatever,” Jason says as he looks out the windows like the trees on the road around them have personally offended him. “I would just like to note, again, that I don’t want to do this and that it’s a terrible idea. Tim knew about us, why couldn’t we just let  _ him _ tell Bruce. Why are you insisting on all this?”

“We’re going to dinner at the manor for the first time as a couple,” Dick says. “Because even though Bruce probably knows, we should still tell him so he doesn’t get all upset and broody. You know how sad I get when Bruce is upset and broody, and I know you don’t like it when I’m sad.”

“I don’t, but why couldn’t we just hit your distress signal while we were making out or something and let Bruce find out that way?” Jason asks, hand gesturing in front of him for emphasis. “We don’t have to go to the manor, I don’t have to play nice, and we all live happily ever after.”

“But what about holidays?” Dick asks. “You know I like holidays at the Manor, and I know you miss Alfred’s pies and that we wouldn’t get any if neither of us showed up.”

“Then you can go,” Jason replies. “Alfred and I still do lunch once a week, so it won’t be like I’ll miss him. You go to the holiday celebration, bring me pie, and then we have sex at home.”

“Alfred wouldn’t let me take any pie home because he wants to see you here Jason.” Dick says and Jason looks around, hunching down in his seat when he realizes where they are. 

“Why are you making me do this, Dick?” It’s a question Jason has been asking with varying degrees of seriousness since Dick proposed they go to the manor for dinner a little over a week ago. Dick refused to elaborate on a specific date so Jason couldn’t run and Jason had asked him the question in bed, in the car, and on patrol. 

“Because they’re my family, Jason,” Dick says. “And I want them to meet the person I’m in a relationship with. Also because they’re your family and they miss you.”

“I highly doubt the replacement and the demon spawn miss me,” Jason replies. 

Dick unbuckles his seatbelt and leans over to Jason, pulling him as close as he can in the awkward space of the car. “Alfred misses you,” Dick says as he nuzzles Jason’s cheek. “And if you really want, you can just hide with him in the kitchen the whole time. As long as you’re here, I’m happy,” Dick says. 

Jason sighs and Dick knows he’s won. “You’re so lucky I love you,” Jason whispers, so quiet Dick can barely hear him. 

“I know,” Dick replies as he presses kisses against Jason’s cheek. “I think about how lucky I am every day when I wake up next to you. Even if you snore sometimes.”

Jason shoves Dick’s shoulder before pulling him into a kiss. “I like waking up next to you too, even if you’re an octopus in bed.”

“It’s because you’re so warm,” Dick says. Neither of them have to point out that ever since Jason started staying over at Dick’s place, his night terrors and panic attacks have actually subsided a decent amount. Jason still has them occasionally, but with Dick wrapped around him at night, talking him through nightmares when he starts having them, he’s sleeping a lot more easily. 

There’s a gentle knock on the window, causing Dick and Jason to look away from each other. Alfred is outside and he’s looking at the two of them with a raised eyebrow. 

“I guess this is it, huh?” Jason asks. “No turning back now?”

“Not even if you tried,” Dick says as he pulls away, letting Alfred open the door for him. “Sorry we’re late.”

“Better late than never, as Master Bruce always says.” Alfred has a faint smile on his face and Dick knows how much it means to him that Jason is finally at the Manor again. 

Jason gets out of the car, closing the door behind him. He comes over to Alfred and pulls him into a hug. “Good to see you, Alf,” Jason says.

“Good to see you as well, Master Jason.” Alfred has a smile on his face as they part. He starts walking up to the manor and Jason freezes in place. 

“It’s okay,” Dick whispers in Jason’s ear as he links his arm with Jason’s. “Remember, you can hide in the kitchen or you can even hide in one of the bedrooms.” 

“I know,” Jason replies as they start walking. Their progress is slow, but they finally make it over the threshold. Jason is incredibly tense, like he’s about to run if he hears a noise that’s too loud, but Dick relaxes as he takes Jason’s leather jacket off and hands it to Alfred. 

“So what are we having for dinner tonight, Alfred,” Dick asks as he takes off his own jacket. 

“Sunday Roast,” Alfred says as he starts walking them back towards the kitchen. Dick wraps an arm around Jason. “And to celebrate Master Jason being here, I also made apple pie with a pumpkin pie on reserve for you two to take home.”

While Jason doesn’t say anything, Dick can see the excitement in his eyes over the idea of having Alfred’s pie. Things are going well so far. Jason hasn’t run off yet and they haven’t seen anyone other than Alfred. If the rest of the night goes like this, things will be perfect, but of course, something always has to happen. 

“I have been instructed to prepare drinks for the two of you while you talk to Master Bruce in his study. I believe he’s waiting for you there.” 

“Fuck,” Jason says and Alfred doesn’t even bother scolding him, he just raises an eyebrow. “Do we have to?” Jason asks Alfred.

“I believe you do,” Alfred replies. 

“It’ll be quick,” Dick says as he tugs on Jason’s arm, partially so Jason won’t run, and partially because Dick wants something to hang on to. He might be the Golden Boy, but that doesn’t mean Bruce will be happy with him regarding their relationship. Yeah, Bruce will be mad at Jason, but he’ll be more upset with Dick for letting all of this happen. “Like a bandaid.” He tugs Jason out of the kitchen and into the hallways leading to Bruce’s study. 

“I can’t do this, Dick,” Jason says as he starts pacing in the hallway. “I can’t talk to Bruce and the family and not act like all of this is weird. You guys were trying to put me in jail a few months ago and now we’re acting like everything is normal or something. I thought we agreed we weren’t trying to do normal.”

“We’re not trying to do normal, Jason,” Dick says as he wraps his arms around Jason’s waist and pulls him close. “But we are trying to bring you back into the family so you can feel like you belong.”   
“I already have a place where I belong,” Jason says. “I’m fine with it just being you, I don’t have to do all of this.”

“But all of this is a part of being with me,” Dick tells him. “Please, Jason, it’s not going to be bad. I promise.”

“Fine,” Jason says. “But one condition,”

“What?” Dick asks. 

“All the rooms in the apartment,” Jason says. “That flexibility thing,  _ and _ that Red Hood and Nightwing thing I was talking about.”

Dick flushes. “You mean the one where you’re-”

“Yes,” Jason says, not looking at Dick. 

“And I’m-”

“ _ Yes _ ,” Jason says again.

“Okay,” Dick says, cheeks still a little pink. 

Bruce’s study door opens in that moment causing both Dick and Jason to freeze.

“Boys,” Bruce says in his Batman voice and Dick knows this isn’t going to be a fun talk. Not at all. Dick grabs Jason’s hand and holds on for dear life. “Why don’t you come in and we’ll have a little talk?”

As they walk to the study, Jason leans down. “I thought you weren’t scared?” Jason hisses in Dick’s ear. 

“I never said that,” Dick replies. “I didn’t want you freaking out more because I was freaking out.” 

They enter the study and sit down. Dick tries his best not to fidget, but as soon as he stops his fingers from tapping against his thigh, his leg starts shaking, and as soon as he stops his leg from shaking, a foot taps. He lets his leg bounce up and down and hopes it won’t drive all of them crazy. Dick looks over at Jason and he knows Jason won’t mind his fidgeting because he’s not even looking at Dick. His arms are crossed and he’s slouched just a little bit in the chair, but his muscles are coiled and ready to run. 

Bruce stares at them for what feels like eternity and Dick is so tempted to start talking in order to fill the silence with something, anything. But he can’t. The one time Dick starts to say something, Bruce holds up a hand to stop him and Dick is silent. 

“How long has this been going on?” Bruce asks. 

“Eight months,” Dick replies, unable to stay silent during Bruce’s questioning. “We officially started a relationship about two months ago, but we’d been seeing each other before that.”

“Are you living together?”

“Sort of,” Dick says. Bruce raises an eyebrow. “Jason still has his own place and still has a few things there but we’ve been living together in my apartment for, what’s it been now,” Dick turns to Jason. “A few weeks?”

“About a month,” Jason replies, not looking away from Bruce. 

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” 

Jason shifts in his chair and all Dick can think is  _ here we go _ . As Jason leans forward slightly. “Are you serious with that question?” Jason asks. “At what point did you think I was going to be comfortable enough with you to saunter on over here and tell you I was in a relationship with your pride and joy?” Dick puts his head in his hand. “Was I just supposed to get over all the shit between us so I could tell you I, the family fuckup, was dating your favorite kid? And don’t tell me he’s not your favorite, I mean look at him,” Jason said. “How can Dick not be your favorite when he looks adorable even when he’s ashamed of me for reaming you out.”

“Jason,” Dick scolds. He doesn’t know whether he should be flattered because somewhere in that rant there was a compliment, but this is definitely not helping their situation at all. 

“I see your point,” Bruce says. “But I wish you felt comfortable enough to tell me these things.”

“That’s not going to happen for a long time,” Jason said. “If it weren’t for Dick, I wouldn’t even be here. What I want to know, is how long  _ you _ knew.”   


Dick looks at Bruce and he can see Bruce calculating how to answer the question in a way that won’t make Jason freak out, which means that Bruce has to have known, “Since the beginning,” Bruce said. “One day you forgot to disarm one of the functions on Dick’s suit and I almost intervened before I realized there wasn’t any harm happening.”

“Oh my god,” Dick says from where he is. “You knew the whole time?”

“I thought it was something you two should work out on your own,” Bruce said. “And while I don’t agree with everything that’s happened, I’m glad you two worked it out.”

“The whole time?” Dick asks again before putting his head in his hands. “The whole time. He knew the whole time. Of course he did, he’s  _ Batman _ .”

“Are we done?” Jason asks. “Because as fun as it is watching Dick freak out, I’m the one that was supposed to be freaking out right now.”

“We’re done,” Bruce says as he stands up. “You two have my blessing.”

“We weren’t asking for your blessing,” Jason says as he goes over to Dick. “Come on DickieBird, let’s go get you some alcohol.” 

Dick stands up. “Thanks Bruce,” he says, grinning when Jason wraps an arm around his waist. “It means a lot.”

“One more thing,” Bruce says before Dick and Jason can leave the study. “I know you two can get...caught in the moment. I don’t mind that, but please make sure you turn off your comms and make sure you don’t hit any distress signals. You’ve traumatized Tim on more than one occasion.”

“Oh my god,” Dick says as Jason drags him out of the study. Bruce follows them out and right before they get to the kitchen, Dick tells Bruce to go in without them. As soon as the kitchen door shuts, Jason presses Dick against the wall and kisses him. 

When they part, Dick presses his forehead to Jason’s. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“I think parts of it were worse for you than they were for me,” Jason says with a smirk. “So if we come here for Christmas, how many rooms of the manor do you think we can have sex in?”

“Not mine,” A voice pipes up from next to them and Jason freezes. Tim is standing in the hallway in a pair of boxers and a t-shirt, hair mussed up and dark circles under his eyes. 

“Hey Tim,” Dick says with a grin. “Did you just wake up?”

“Yeah,” Tim says slowly, looking between them. “What time is it?”

“Right around five thirty,” Dick says. “What time did you think it was?”   


“I thought it was still early in the morning because it was dark outside,” Tim says with a frown. 

“You’re about ten hours off, Timmers,” Jason says. 

“Alright then,” Tim says. “I’m going to go get dressed. And if you do the sex in the manor thing, please leave my room out of it.”

“Will do, Tim,” Dick says, watching Tim disappear down the hall. “Alright, I think that’s the worst of it. Telling Damian probably won’t be so bad.”

 

-

 

Damian finds out about Jason and Dick in the middle of dinner. Jason asks Dick to pass the potatoes and Dick not only passes the potatoes, but he kisses Jason’s cheek.

“Oh come on guys, not at the table,” Tim says. 

“You’re just jealous, Timbo.” Jason says as he takes Dick’s hand in his own. 

“Wait,” Damian says. “Grayson and Todd are in an intimate relationship?”

“You mean you didn’t know?” Tim asks, looking at Damian. “Are you serious? You claim you’re smarter than me and you didn’t even know these two were in a relationship? It was obvious.”

“Not that obvious,” Jason says. 

“For once I agree with Todd.” Damian says. “How long has this been going on?”

“We’ve been seeing each other for eight months,” Dick says. “It became a serious relationship two months ago.” 

“Father, did you know about this?” Damian asks.

Bruce is doing his best to hide his amusement over the situation. “Yes I did, Damian.”

“And you  _ approve _ of it?” 

“I do,” Bruce replies.

Damian shakes his head and looks at Jason, eyes zeroing in like a predator hunting prey. “I demand a fight, Todd, for Grayson’s honor.”

“Damian you don’t need to fight Jason for my honor.” Dick shakes his head.

“Jason’s already won it,” Tim replies and Dick kicks him under the table. 

“Todd! You and me, right here!”

“As much as I’d love to fight you, Demon Spawn, I’m sorry, but you’re a little late to fight me for Dick’s honor.”

“Jason, do not say what I think you’re going to say.” 

“I tarnished it a long time ago.” 

“Come  _ on _ , Jason,” Dick blushes. 

 

-

 

“That went well,” Jason says as he gets in the car at the end of the night, arms full with leftovers and other food Alfred’s made them. 

“You started a food fight,” Dick says. “In the middle of dinner. With a ten year old.” 

“It was for your honor,” Jason said. “And I was winning before Alfred came in and stopped us.”

“I’m surprised Bruce didn’t intervene,” Dick comments as he starts the car and pulls out of the driveway. When he turns his head to look behind him, Jason can see a bit of potato in his hair. Jason doesn’t say anything about it. 

“I think he was too busy laughing his ass off,” Jason says. 

“Well, now I don’t have to bribe you to get you at the Manor for Thanksgiving or Christmas,” Dick says. “I never thought I’d see Alfred punish someone by telling them they have to celebrate the holidays with their family.” Dick sighs. “But I guess you’re sort of right, it could have been worse.”

Jason reaches over and takes Dick’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “So when we get home we’re doing the Nightwing and Red Hood thing, right?” 

Dick’s cheeks go red and Jason smirks. “Fine, but I’m showering first to get the potatoes out of my hair. And so are you.” 

“Shower sex  _ and  _ the Nightwing and Red Hood thing, wow, Christmas must have come early.”

“Shut up,” Dick says and Jason laughs, kissing their hands. 

They sit in comfortable silence for a little while and Jason takes that time to reflect on how happy he is compared to how he was a year ago. He never thought he’d get to have a relationship with someone. He never thought he’d get over what happened to him or that he’d wake up from his nightmares to someone telling him it was okay and that they loved him. 

“What are you thinking about?” Dick asks.

“I’m thinking about how much I love you,” Jason replies, unafraid to be honest about it, because the smile on Dick’s face makes everything worth it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap!
> 
> My tumblr is [carbonjen.tumblr.com](http://www.carbonjen.tumblr.com) where I'm currently accepting fic prompts, so feel free to send me some stuff over there. 
> 
> This fic was super fun and I'd like to thank you all for the amazing comments and kudos on this fic. 
> 
> I'm working on a few fic ideas more, so expect to see more of Jason and Dick on my ao3 page, and if you want to see more of the verse, send me an ask and I'll be happy to show you more of it!
> 
> <3 Jen

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Over and Over by Three Day's Grace.


End file.
